Archive - Hollywood & Vine

My high school experience was funny. I went to a competitive Catholic school. Both of those adjectives being things I am not.

I dreaded it. I just wanted to move to LA. I had seen friends of mine go to these massive private high schools in the area and become consumed with homework and flash cards and study guides every night and all weekend and it seemed horrible.

I had to be coaxed through the whole process. Through the application process, the teacher applicant meeting, the “shadow” day, orientation etc. I hoped something would happen that would cause me to have to leave the school shortly after starting.

I remember the final conversation on it with my parents, in which a month before school I was still intending to not go.

“I actually really think you will like it,” my mom said. I felt the opposite but it was clear I was going, the tuition had been paid and I would be attending every ice breaker retreat orientation there was planned before the impending first day of school.

I looked at it pessimistically, but I really had nothing to lose. While everyone else who started their freshmen year that August day was worried about what honors classes they’d pass or teams they would make, or what friends or colleges they would find I had no expectations. To everyone I had spoken to about this high school experience I didn’t want to have but was being forced to, if I even liked it, we had won.

I was the only one who came from my school. I contemplated putting on an accent for the entire duration of my attendance because who would even know if it was fake? It was kind of an excuse to develop a new persona. Because unlike everyone else who had grown up with all of their fellow classmen I was a blank slate.

There were some bumps I’ll cover at a different time. But I’ll say the minute I decided to stop trying to find boys to like or ways to be more appealing I did love it. I loved it.

I couldn’t have cared less about my grades or classes or what anyone thought and it was really just playtime all day. I liked it, so we had all won and it really just felt like something I was doing for awhile for fun.

Cutting forward, I got into a relationship that summer after freshman year, with someone I had said the December before I would never date because we were too good of friends.

I remember in saying that to people thinking how Nicholas Sparks and great it would be if in the three years to come we never dated, and it became painfully meant to be. And then senior year in some whimsical after football game rainstorm we had some huge fight in which a confession was made saying something along the lines of “You’re the one. You were always the one.”

But among other things, I am an impatient person. So with similar vehemence and melodrama, we finally and climactically got together on the last day of school. Complete with the cardinal “in a relationship with” Facebook update.

Those two years are another story. What I will say is for the last bit , within many fights I found myself saying, “What? Do you want to break up or something?”

I think this is because deep down I was hoping that question would receive a “yes” and “you’re free now.”

It took a year to receive an “I don’t know.”

After a few choppy conversations and hidden relationship statuses and a sudden sense of distance, it was done.Everything changed and I moved to Los Angeles 2 weeks later.

I was wide awake all the time. I couldn’t sleep or eat or barely blink. At night I would just walk around the house, watch some TV shows trying to make it not so silent. But I was happy. Just shoved into so much difference I had to be awake through it all.

A week after arriving, a friend from back home visited me we can call Joel.

I remember I was so skinny. I’m not fat now but I was so skinny – from 6 mile runs and lack of hunger and sleep. I wore a little floral tank top, shorts and heeled sandals.

I’m not sure why I thought that outfit was crucial. I felt like I had to show someone how much I had changed in that one week and this was for some reason the way to do it.

We went to Whole Foods, and Joel started talking about how he had been hanging out with my ex boyfriend. He said they had talked a lot, and had determined I had really been holding him back in his life. Even though I was the one who just moved across the state, while nothing had changed for him. He said they had determined the relationship went on way too long and it was for the better that it was over. He also said the ex boyfriend had been hanging out a lot with an old friend of mine and they would probably get together soon if they hadn’t already while he was in LA.

I’m very proud as a person, but at the time it stung. If it was now I would say, “Did he also tell you he cried as we said goodbye and said he wished I didn’t have to go?”

I drove him back to his dorm feeling slumped. My outfit now seemed silly and uncomfortable and I felt like a kid who’d tried to show off and felt flat on their face.

I was determined to show how much I loved my new life. But as I drove away from the West Side I could barely keep reminding myself. I felt nauseous and my legs felt like jelly as I got out of my car to go up to my apartment. I had bought a ticket to visit home that day but I couldn’t collect my mind enough to pack so I just put a sweater in my purse and got into the car to head to the airport.

I walked through the terminal and security feeling out of place and tried to shake it. My legs were still jelly as I boarded the plane and got in line to get a seat.

I got the the top of the aisleway and noticed a man with sunglasses on and a lot of tattoos, which scared me at the time.  He was staring at me.

“Hello,” he said. His voice was surprisingly kind and when he spoke, the entirety of the plane’s passengers turned towards me.

“Are you going up for the big concert?”

It was BFD that weekend, so I assumed that’s what he meant.

The people on either side of him laughed and stared at me.

“No I’m just going to see my family,” I replied.

“Oh where do you live? I live on Hollywood & Vine. Hollywood & Vine, ok? Do you know where that is?”

I only knew where Toluca Lake was. I didn’t know I lived in Koreatown. “I live about 20 minutes from Toluca Lake. I’m just visiting because I used to live up here.” As in last week, I thought. I was so embarrassed. Everyone on the plane was staring at me and he was so intent on talking to me.

The line moved suddenly and I was relieved.

“Ok well it was nice talking to you! Welcome to my beautiful city,” he said, taking my hand.

My cheeks were so flushed, “Thanks,” I said and hurried down the aisle and pulled my hand away.

I found a seat and sat down, now feeling not only disappointed but also pretty embarrassed. I opened up Facebook on my phone and scrolled down, when I accidentally opened a poster for BFD. It said “Jane’s Addiction” on it “featuring Dave Navarro.”

It was the guy from Hollywood & Vine. The guy on the plane that asked me where I lived. On the front of the poster.

I googled “Dave Navarro.” There he was again, the same guy from the front of the plane, who was asking me so many questions while everyone stared.

I thought about it the whole flight. Was he asking me about BFD in case he wanted to invite me or something? I was confused as to why he had taken an interest in talking to me, but also hoped I would see him again. I was definitely scared by how many tattoos he had but his voice was strikingly friendly.

I got off the plane quickly but he was gone. I was disappointed but thought it was cool to have seen him anyways and started to text my family that I was getting off the plane.

Suddenly from behind me, came that unpredictably friendly voice saying, “Goodbye girl of my dreams!”

I turned and there was Dave Navarro, at the Starbucks kiosk with all the assistants that had been sitting with him. I was so shocked I just waved back and kept walking as they all laughed at me.

I didn’t care about the ex boyfriend anymore. I didn’t care about the Whole Foods lunch or what Joel had said about my holding someone back. At the end of the day, quite literally, Dave Navarro had a 3 minute conversation with me and told me I was the girl of his dreams.

I thought back to my countlessly repeated query, “Do you want to break up or something?” and realized I was only asking because I had already decided. And that’s just waiting to be told it’s ok so that its not all on you if it goes badly.

But I don’t think it ever really does. I have found you can end everything you’ve ever known all on your own and by the end of it maybe even become the person of someone’s dreams. Special thanks to Dave Navarro for saying the right thing at exactly the right time to show me that.

Xoxo,

C